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Sci-Fi Communication Skills – Sleight of Mouth Part 1
Recently, while communicating with an ebayer who sold me faulty DVDs, I overcame many of his negative beliefs and attitudes by using language in a very particular way. Let me explain a bit more….
I finished reading another book by the brilliant Robert Dilts this week.
The title of the book is “Sleight of Mouth”.
I guess your first question might well be; what is “Sleight of Mouth?”
Sleights of hand are language models, that is, language models; ways to use your words. They come from the world of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). NLP studies the world’s most successful people from all walks of life, then shares how they do what they do so well.
When the tools of NLP were used to study the world’s most powerful persuasives, a compelling and impressive set of language patterns emerged. These language models are called “Sleight of Mouth”.
Each Sleight of Mouth pattern is a valuable tool for overcoming limiting beliefs, opening people up to new ideas, and being able to find a new “turn” or “point of view.” Helping people open up to what you say is essential to success, whether in therapy, sales, or personal interaction. The sleight-of-hand models do this in what seems like regular conversation. If you’ve listened to any of the interviews on my website, you’ll know that we discussed conversational hypnosis and that these sleight of hand language patterns are very similar.
You can use these patterns to improve your relationships, earn more money, be a better therapist, create more business, and help people move past any limiting beliefs they may have. You can even use these powerful sets of language models to overcome your own barriers to success.
Ok, so your next question might well be: are these Sleight of Mouth language models ethical?
Often people ask if using Sleight of Mouth models is ethical. Well, any set of tools can be used for the benefit or detriment of others. Sleight of Mouth is no different in this respect. We encourage the use of these templates for ethical reasons. We define ethics as the pursuit of a mutually beneficial goal in communication. You can consider it a “win/win”. We all do things to improve the way others see us, such as prepping ourselves before going out on a date; hoping to let that lucky person think we’re as attractive as possible.
As a therapist, I only use these patterns to help people achieve the goals they have asked me to help them achieve. If someone comes to me to quit smoking and has a belief that is making them difficult, I will use sleight-of-hand patterns to help them overcome that belief. I do not use these patterns to challenge other belief systems they may have unless they specifically ask me to! It doesn’t matter whether I think they need to change their other beliefs or not.
In non-therapeutic situations, you can use sleight of hand models to help others open up to options they may not have considered. These situations may include any personal or commercial transaction.
Remember, the point of using these incredibly persuasive templates isn’t to coerce others into bidding on you. It’s to open them up to ideas. Use Sleight of Mouth templates to get a better price on a DVD player, ask someone out on a date, help someone lose weight, get a raise, or close a sale.
Ok, so when do you use Sleight of Mouth templates?
People like to find reasons why things are the way they are in their lives. Reasons often become excuses or rationalizations. Unfortunately, sometimes the reasons given by people may be incorrect, but prevent them from solving their problems. These reasons can turn into beliefs that limit a person.
Sleight of hand patterns are most helpful when people express any of these limiting beliefs. Beliefs (both helpful and harmful) usually come in the form of one of two equations.
X causes Y
X means Y
When someone tells you they can’t lose weight because “I have an underactive thyroid,” they’re saying that X (inability to lose weight) is caused by Y (thyroid problem).
When someone says, “These DVD players are on sale, so we can’t lower the price any further”, they say X (the DVD players are already on sale) means Y (there are no more discounts available).
Let’s examine the two beliefs expressed above and see how they limit these people.
If you were overweight and thought it was due to thyroid problems, would you try to do anything about it? Probably not. What would that be for? This belief could prevent this person from doing anything to lose weight.
If you’re a salesperson who wants to sell a DVD player and the customer wants a lower price, your belief that the price can’t go down could prevent you from closing the sale. If you were the customer and wanted a better price, the seller’s belief would bother you too!
Start “tuning your ears” to pick up these limiting beliefs in your language and the language of others. Pay attention to words and phrases that contain or imply statements of cause and effect or meaning.
Here are some examples…
“I will never be rich because I didn’t go to college.” (No degree means no chance to earn a lot of money) “You have to go to bed now, it’s nine o’clock.” (Nine o’clock means bedtime “I can’t quit smoking, nicotine is more addictive than heroin.” (The “fact” that nicotine is more addictive than heroin means they can’t stop) “When she looks at me that way I get excited.” (She looking at them that way makes them feel excited)
So, let’s get to the models themselves, shall we?
First, here’s the reality strategy:
To generate a reality strategy sleight of hand model, use one or both of the following models…
1. Ask them how they know their belief is “true”?
2. Ask how would they know if this belief was not true?
Example of a limiting belief: “I can’t go into hypnosis because my mind likes to be in control.”
Sample Reality Strategy Response: “How do you know you can’t go into hypnosis and stay in control?”
Example of a limiting belief: “It is impossible for me to learn this material – I have a bad memory.”
Sample Reality Strategy Response: “How would you know if it wasn’t true?”
Let me explain the process that happens here:
What you are looking for/listening to when you ask them how they know their belief is true is what they are doing in their head that makes their belief seem real to them. Often what you will get, with careful questioning, is a specific experience they had where they formed their current belief. In the first example, you might get a response like “I read it once in a book” or “My dad always said that.” What you’ve done is go from a universal truth to something that was in a book or someone once said. It’s much easier to work with.
When you ask, “How would you know if that belief wasn’t true,” you’re encouraging him to think differently. To consider not having a bad memory and not learning the material well, this person must imagine having a good memory and learning the material well!
People tend to achieve, much more easily, what they can imagine. You have just helped them imagine what they would like to accomplish. Pretty cool huh?
The following article is dedicated to sharing many more of these language patterns with you, so you can learn how to use them in any conversation to get more and more out of your communication.
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